Miura VS under scrutiny

Gear review

Up close and shoesonal

Word on the approach path is that the Velcro version of the Miura is now available in SA.  Now, one is not meant to disrupt a good story with fact, or visa versa, but then I have never been good with rules.  True, the Miura VS has landed in SA, but is it really just a Miura with Velcro?  Moreover, is it better? These are the questions that bother climbing nerds in the wee hours (or so I hear).

Disclaimer:  I have only had these shoes a few weeks, so this is primarily initial impressions.  After a good innings I’ll be able to comment on aspects like durability, maintenance of performance and fragrance retention.  Secondly, a climbing shoe that does not fit properly is about as useful as burqa at a nudist beach.  By extension, this review would be entirely inappropriate if the shoes did not suit my hooves.  Fortunately they do, so we can proceed.

Edges large and small under pressure. 

Pic: Ant Hall.

Since I started my adult life as a scientist, I have aimed to be analytical but not dry.  If you want to read rave ramblings about how these are the best shoes since leather and rubber were first put into bondage, there are plenty strew across forums on the Interweb.

Miura vs. Miura VS…  man that’s rather confusing.  Let’s try again.

How does the Miura VS compare to the standard Miura?

Shared features:

Slingshot last, Powerhinge design, degree of asymmetry, split rubber on side of the shoe, rubber compound (XSedge), and colour scheme.  The later may be useful when trying the blend in when climbing near bees.

Differential features:

3 strap Velcro closure, elasticated and gusseted tongue, unlined sole, full-foot mid sole, different upper lining.  Similar overall shape, but slightly more downturned. Most influential is the P3 platform.

New shoes, new route.  Cape Velvet (25).  

Pic: Douw Steyn

What of this is relevant?

Well, the idea is that the rand and sole design is such that when you weight your foot, the back part of the shoe flexes and your toes stay put where they are.  To me, it feels like the overall rubber design helps the shoe to “suck” onto your foot.  This aids in reducing dead space and the shoe feels secure.  Good features to retain.  Well done design team.  No surprises, the aggressive shape is good for steep terrain.  The P3 platform helps keep a performance shape, but does slightly reduce the sensitivity and together with full-length midsole give a stiffer feel.  The tongue feels nice and comfy, but isn’t gonna make you crank 9a.

Now, regarding the lining, the spec sheet says: “to control stretch”.  After reading oodles of feedback online, it seems that the correct translation of this is that “they will mold to your foot and probably stretch a bit, but should not stretch as much as the standard Miura”.  So far I can say that they have indeed molded to my foot, but as of yet I would not say they have stretched in size per se.  Consequently they feel tight but have fewer hot spots or discomfort than I would have expected, so I am pleased.  The unlined sole is meant to give more sensitivity, but in light of the P3 platform underfoot I think this claim is negligible.

Test 816: Does the shoe hold its shape over the void? Tick.  

Pic: Douw Steyn.

Proof in the pudding:    

After covertly wearing them under my desk at work, and subsequent breaking in, I put them to the test on projects on TM and Tafelberg.

Firstly, the 3 way Velcro closure does give a good fit, mainly because the middle strap is pulled in the opposite direction to the other two. Secondly, almost every other review I have seen praises the edging ability of the Miura VS, and indeed I would agree.  Furthermore I felt pretty secure on small bumps and nubbins – of which there are plenty on one of the projects I tried them on.  Small pockets and divots are also handled well.  Heel hooks felt solid: the way the shoe ‘sucks’ onto my foot prevents that feeling of your heel sliding in the shoe.

A subtle thing I particularly like is that there is some contouring under the big toes area (i.e where your big toe knuckle is, the rubber bends up ever so slightly).  This contributes to the snug feeling of the shoe and also gives you just that bit extra of purchase when standing on arêtes (or similar shaped holds).

After long periods my toes did get sore, but this goes with the territory for down cambered shoes.  I found if I changed the position of my foot (compared to less aggressive shoes), I could still smear well, but this does not seem to be their strong point and I would not take them for long slab routes. I have not tested them on vertical cracks, but other reviews indicate that this also not their forte.

Parting shot after field testing at Tafelberg

The skinny:

If you put laces on a Miura VS you would not end up with a Miura.  It should be viewed as a separate design and the size you need may differ between them. For me, it seems that the extra features in the Miura VS give better performance in some areas, but the standard Miura retains the lead in others.  It feels like it is best suited to technical and reasonably steep terrain where precise footwork is required and being able to stand on tiny things is requisite.  In this department, I feel it performs slightly better than my standard Miuras, and I have been very impressed with what you can actually stand on.

Basically this is a precision shoe, but the trade-off is that it is less of an all-rounder. I would choose them for climbing near or at my limit, but not for extended periods/multi-pitch routes.

As a precision shoe, it seems to be exceptional so far.  Time will tell how it holds up.  To be continued…

Richard enjoys craft beer, calamata olives and of course, hanging belays. 

Pic: Douw Steyn.

Specs and a good comparison:

http://www.sportiva.com/products/footwear/climbingapproach/Miura-vs

http://www.sportiva.com/about/technology/glossary-of-terms

http://www.outdoorgearlab.com/Climbing-Shoe-Reviews/La-Sportiva-Miura-VS

Playground in the Sky

An Iridium satellite strutting its stuff.

Image: http://www.satobs.org/iridium.html

Today’s astronomy session shall be straight to the to the point, much like a bayonet, but hopefully less painful. I recently heard about Iridium satellites from the knowledgeable Dr Steyn.  Now, said sky voyagers are no doubt fascinating from an engineering point of view, but when stretched out under a wilderness night’s sky, it’s all about the visual effect.  These particular orbiteers have several highly reflective aluminium panels (like mirrors bru) that  in certain orientations can bounce sunlight down to a spot on Earth where it is night.  So, if you are temporally lucky, in the right place, as the satellite cruises the speckled canvas: BAM! It gives off a bright flash.

Douw milking a rest, the udder is hidden, out of respect to our bovine brethren.

Such are the days of our lives, but the soap opera cheese is optional.  Let’s examine the last month or so.  A large chunk is just gumf.  In fact, you don’t even remember it do you?  Commuting to work, grocery shopping, checking email, flipping the bad news section in the paper: pedestrian regularity sliding dimly through the vacuum.  Was this shower better than yesterday?  Rice or pasta for starch?  I am sure I have been pestered by more hawkers at this intersection this year…

Upward and outward: A muerte!

So what was awesome? Wild parties, high adventure, epic trips, finding love, giving everything.   These are the flashes we live for. Go on, what memories bring a silly grin to your face and make you wanna yell “Hell yeah!” like a rockstar?

An autographical example, for my pleasure.

Some star cycles ago, the skinny guy and the astronomer spied a line at Tabhomi*. The business pitch looked improbable and intimidating: straddling the spectrum between “too hard” and “impossible”. Or so we thought. I have eventually learnt from Mr Möhle to investigate despite unlikeliness. And sometimes there are perfect holds just where you need them…

Preparing to fight. Pic: Douw Steyn

[At this point, the author could insert copious climbing lingo describing in excruciating detail the exact moves, wingers, key beta, gear placements and exposure of the route. Oh, and a rude description of a jug so damn sweet you need 3 hands to fondle it properly. But really, it would be much better to go find it all out yourself. ]

Heading for the sky. Pic: Douw Steyn

Last day: body broken, muscles a collection of synonyms for pap and ineffectual. Much like the Monday after a dirty weekend at Betty’s Bargain Brothel, or so I hear. However my psyche was through the roof. Much like it would be for an expectant hillbilly before an excursion to Elizabeth’s aforementioned service establishment.  Somehow the power of motivation broke the weight of fatigue and I joined my psyche on the other side of the roof.

Perched on the headwall, I speculate it were the druggie equivalent of tantric tripping on multiple drugs (while at Betty’s, for good measure).

“Hell yeah!”

Douw about to top out on the FA of Iridium Flash.

Would it be true to say we opened one of the best pitches at possibly the greatest climbing spot in the our galaxy? Well, it certainly felt like it for me that day, and from an experiential perspective that really is all that matters. Absolutes are irrelevant in this context. Right there, right then, it was off the chart awesome: BAM!

So I guess the next trick is to get your personal satellite to flash as often as possible, in all aspects of life, so it resembles a disco ball pulsating and flaring through the cosmos…

Looking for a wild ride? Iridium Flash (26) on THE Main Wall.

Locals defending their turf, and rightly so.

P.S. Thanks to Douw for a frikken rad trip!

P.S.S. Two weeks later I found another pitch that felt just as good :). The party continues…

* Tabhomi: trad mecca of the known universe. Aka Tafelberg.

Of Teeth and Hunters – Progression in Motion

Many moons ago I found a new line on TM.  It’s proper hard.  The Moon Flakes project began.  I figured that 2 months in Boven should provide the necessary improvements in finger strength needed to give it an honest go. Although, in this case ‘honest’ would mean with a small, yet possible chance of success.

Much like trying to score the hottest girl at the club: you need to pull out all the tricks of the trade (without resorting to rohypnol).  Well, at the time when I had planned to be at peak strength, the project had changed.  Now the goal was to hobble 15m on crutches without wanting to pass out from the pain…

Moon Flakes: IP. Pic: Jono Joseph

The notion of climbing 30+ on trad now seemed totally and utterly preposterous.  Ever walking again without a limp seemed like a good deal.  Being able to stand long enough to make a cheese sandwich has been nice.  Knee buggered, life changed.  While I was dosed up on pain-attempt-killers, Joe emailed me the following quote: “I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs, but by how high he bounces when he hits the bottom” General George S. Patton.  Thanks dude. While it would be many weeks before the borrowed crutches could be sent back North to Gustav, the process of how to bounce started in the playground of the brain.

Phases of the moon came and went.  The body started to heal.  The mind dreamt faster.  Hobbling became walking.  The ideas of new lines grew, I explored parts of the mountain I had never seen before, albeit rather slowly and awkwardly at first.  My note book started to fill up.  My gait become more normal.  More physio. Abseiling and brushing.  Choss and gold.  Lichen in the eyes.  Some swearing.  More patience.  Waxing and Waning.  More stretching, less stumbling.  Scrambling.  Leading.  Seed planted, nervous. Go!

Scoping out the steep cracks on Fang Fighters P1 (21)

The steepening arete on pitch two of Fang Fighters (23)

And then, all of a sudden, rather jittery, unfit and untrusting of my mostly-recovered limb, I found myself high up in the mist: mid crux with major winger potential.  The Hollywood slow-mo kicked in, and if there had been music, it would have stopped.  Which would have made it easier to hear the the sound of a sewing machine threatening to start up in my left leg.  This was the test: am I back in the game or not?  Hopefully not back in hospital.  The sidelines are safer, but you can’t score from there.

Fear and Launching in Cape Town. My unnecessarily hard sequence at the crux of Fang Fighters. 

Oh, and the bomber gear is my smallest cam – the pamplet says “for aid climbing only”… 

and aid my climbing it did!

“Off belay!”, – and in that instant a committing (temporary grade 25) trad line was born and a question that had been rattling around my wee head had been answered.  Of course all good stories require a twist… and this one does not include roofies.

Warren followed the pitch, fell off at the crux, found better beta and voila!: the dreaded downgrade.

So 7 months on the couch may have dulled my powers of sequence finding ever so slightly, but on the sharp end at least I was getting back on track. And damn it felt good.  The psyche was fuelled, and a few days later the wild (and definitely harder) Orion roof pitch was solved elsewhere above the Mother City.  Hopefully it will go soon, and then the psyche will be over flowing like Dolly Parton in an extra small tank top.  And maybe, just maybe, it won’t be too many lunar cycles more before chalk dust appears on Moon Flakes again.

Yeha! How high psyche looks – Utah or South Africa, makes no difference.

Progression is awesome.   I highly recommend it.  In the past 4 months I have gone from not being able to walk properly to climbing mid-twenties grade trad.  Previously that took over 20 years! (or 8-12 hours if you include climbing after a big night out).  Either way, if I can just find a way to keep this current rate of improvement up, then I will be onto something…

Elsewhere on TM: more work to be done…

And BIG thanks to Brenna, Mom and Dad for nursing/tolerance/awesomeness, Mark for physio, friends for encouragement.

Boven ated

Snippets from a trip cut short

All photos by Gustav Janse van Rensburg, unless stated.

Disclaimer: colourful language has been used, but only where absolutely and totally appropriate.

Apologies if any entomologists disagree.

Eyes on the prize: Chunky Monkey (27) is one of many aesthetic lines on offer

If you have been climbing in SA for more than a nanosecond then you will have heard of Boven.  However, you may not have indulged yet.  Don’t worry, I was practically a virgin in March, so I planned a 2 month stint to make up for it. So what exactly is in store at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?

Here, ‘Snapdragon’ is not a flower (in the Antirrhinum genus, for the nerds), and despite his desire Lotter was not first to score that beauty.

Outside of Boven, Lotter probably had many other less savoury yearnings and ‘Snapdragon’ could also be the 1993 American movie thriller, a type of yacht or a Japanese comic super villain.  But you knew all that, right?

However, when your wallet slims passing the extortionist toll plaza (or you add years to your car on the alternate route), the rest of the world is left behind.  Including all the decent supermarkets and strip-clubs.  But fear not, the availability of unexpired food and grinding lap dances will soon fade from memory.  Either after several toots at the Lodge, or when you hit one of the awesome crags on offer.

Here, you know the deal, you did not come to watch a C-grade movie, go sailing or klap a samurai yielding cartoon character.  You came to climb, and what, if not awesome routes.  Images of which were etched in your mind long before you left the N4.

The Other Sharp End – the unsung belay buddies

Boven is a bit like Paris.  The first local you meet speaks French.  The difference is that this person is super friendly and welcoming.  If you are confused, then you probably haven’t been to Boven (yet).  Or you somehow didn’t see Roc n’ Rope on your way in, and if your eye-sight is that bad then climbing is gonna be a tad tricky.  Oh, and all the optometrists are back in the big smoke.  C’est la vie.  In light of this, it was no surprise that Flex spat the dummy when he thought he had lost his glasses in the undergrowth after wielding a drill with a bit too much gusto.  Don’t stress, I’ll elaborate later.

Let’s talk perceptions briefly.  Yes, Boven is predominantly a bolted clambering venue, but there is good trad to be had too.  This may explain why Hector has been sighted here (I mean he’s about as hard to miss as Gulliver would be among piekenins).  It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the aforementioned French accent, nothing whatsoever.  Back to the routes – I proudly confess I am somewhat of a route snob.  The great advantage of being a first time visitor is that everything is new.  Why then would you climb anything but the best of the best?  Hence an objective tick-list is about as important as beer and condoms – both help you have a great trip.

Danny Pinkas showing signs of Hypertension (30)

Although racks of aliens and peanuts are not standard fare in these parts, finding the crème de la crème of trad lines is still fairly easy.  Anyone who has walked to the Superbowl will have seen the Theatre from the top of the path. Heart of China blasts straight up the centre of the sexy wall that stands as proud as a honeymooner’s member in the distance.  However, there is a gem down by the waterfall that is one of the best trad lines I have ever been on.  It is pure magic: hard, scary and beautiful to boot.  It may be better than the Totem Pole.  However it is graded 25X, so suffice to say I had some brushing to do.  Stay tuned, I’ll save the best for last.

Characters.  Visitors.  Locals.  If you reflect honestly, surely it is the people that really make a great trip?  Now I would like to think I have been round the block, at least a little bit.  Nowhere else have I met such accommodating, friendly and downright awesome people as here.  Gustav, Alex, Jan, Thulani, Danny and Claire all make Boven a fantastic experience for the out-of-towner.  Many climbers feel a soft spot for Boven, and I can see why.  The regular weekend warriors, the Rock Ralliers and maybe even some of the Euros will feel this.  Certainly those who got engaged or married here know it.

Rain did not stop play…

So after that warm and fuzzy interlude, I must warn you of some things about the Restaurant  before making your booking.

1. Dust.  Lots of dust.  Coming from the Mothercity this dry Highveld business took a bit of getting used to.  It clings to the rock, makes your feet slip, gives you excuses for sucking, turns your toothbrush brown and soils your socks.  On the plus side it encourages you to shower more often.  Fortunately, at the right time of year, the deep and lush green of the vegetation totally makes up for this omnipresent consequence of erosion.

2. Perdebye.  Horse-bees.  Wasps for us sout peels (Thanks to Harry and Madelein for being my Taal tutors).  Now these little F*#kers will find the crux hold of a route and build a truck-off fortress there, just waiting for fleshy fingers to sting, repeatedly.  They are evil.  In a previous life I was a biologist, so I appreciate biodiversity, but not on my handholds!  Dewald clearly agrees, so he designed the Doomsday Device.  It’s a blerrie great can of Doom on the end of an uber extendable pole, with a cunning trigger system.  It allows the purger to commit genocide at a distance.  We all gathered to watch Flex vs. The F*#kers.  The Device was boringly efficient, to the tune of about 25-0.  After sinking a bolt, Flex managed to jettison his specs into the leafy abyss below, which provided some welcome spectator entertainment and maybe restored some karma to the End of the Universe, as he fumbled around the dead and dying F*#kers to find his third and fourth eyes.

A Not-So-Chunky Monkey was spotted at the Left Wing

And now for the story you have all been waiting for:  how the best route this this side of the Limpopo put me in hospital.  Sorcery is a radical line.  It is about as obvious as 36DD pair at an anorexic conference and just as pretty.  A steep arête, wild moves and a thundering waterfall.  Psyched!  Sure it’s a total sandbag and you could hurt yourself, but this isn’t Disney World is it?  Those homies back in the 90’s must have been smoking some good stuff, but with modern gear you could fall of without axing yourself.  Not that I advise it.

Gustav, Alex and Sorcery. All three are awesome.

So there I was, on the crux, a blue alien somewhere way below, when a child fell from the top of the cliff.  I gracefully jumped off and caught her.  All the gear ripped, slowing our elegant, slow-motion swan dive into the pool at the base of the waterfall.  A surprised crocodile was quickly dealt with, as was the passing anaconda.  At that moment a rouge ex-Vietnam nutjob napalmed the entire valley in his restored helicopter.  My belayer fainted so I grabbed him, the child, a wounded water buffalo and the scared photographer.  Balancing them all on my head I speed soloed up the route, retrieving my gear while the flames came ever closer.  What a send!  I turned round, took a leak and put the blazing inferno out, saving the town.  Celebrating in the pub, I had about 14 six-packs too many and tripped over a banana peel that wasn’t even there.  My knee needed surgery, but as I was too tipsy to do it myself, I hopped back to Cape Town and let the doctors do their thing.
True story.

Working Sorcery (25X) on a fixed line. The author feels 28R may be more realistic… 

Photo: Warren Gans.

I am happy to report the knee is getting better, although my physio did try hide in Namibia for a while.  If I spend the next 6 months training on my new hangboard I may eventually manage 10 pull-ups.  Then I can plan the second half of my Boven trip!

For those familiar with the Menu, please read the specials below.  For the rest of you, remember that although this old railway town doesn’t have Woolies goodies or pole dancers, it does have a vibe and a beauty that should not be missed.  Go make it happen!

Mates having a jol at the Lodge. Join the party!

Oh, and if Peddles tells you F*#kers don’t build nests where there is chalk, it is a stinking mistruth. I discovered a battalion of humming F*#kers in a chalk smothered undercling… On the plus, they make belaying more entertaining.

Hitchhikers guide to Boven

Beware:  you may fight the Beast, a Monster or Giants.  Big Butterfly and Condor Superfly in the Stata cause Flying is Fun.  Although Mostly Harmless, Jack of All Trades got Hypertension and Raptophillia.  He went to the Psyche Ward to get his Freak On with Sweet Cousin Cocaine.  After some Triptolactic Fairy Tales The Fix was to Stich It at the Joy Division of Acid House.

Legends: Big Bad Wolf found Fat Annie in her Yellow Polka Dot Bikini Red at Granny’s Cottage in Toon Town. Chunky Monkey and Atomic Ardvark cried Merci my Brother, while Jabberwocky was too Bamboozled by the Rubiks Cube to notice. Heroes Pedley of Rodan in his Mankini Blue and Jono in the Bronkonator Just Behly saved the day.

Rude Bushman tried Karfofeling with his Sweet Plumb, Miss Mickley, at Club Tropicana Coconuts.  Women aint Nothing but Trouble, he got Panty Slapped and Tokoloshie chased him along the Inca Trail past Eldorado to Atlantis.  He-Man had Paradise by the C with Rock-Chuka-Chick.

Feeling religious?  God No!  or Hell Yeah!  Screaming Demons Shout at the Devil in Satan’s Temple during the Endless Summer of Wild Fire.  Eventually Lucifer goes to the Gunks… The God of Small Things has Black Magic and Unlimited Power but Kindred Spirits shouldn’t Jump in the Fire.

In the case of African Rain, play Dungeons and Dragons, ride the Bovenator or watch Pit Fighter Hack and Slay Godzilla with the Vorpal Sword at the Boa Rodeo.  Dutch Popcorn, Chocolate Eclair and Sticky Toffee Pudding on sale.  The Backcountry Butcher also serves Frazzled Lab Rat at Cactus Palace As the World Disappears.

Got Questions?  Who’s Your Daddy?  Who Needs Lucky Cows?  Who’s Line is it Anyway?  Only one way to find out…

Plan another trip to Boven!

Richard is sponsored, sometimes proudly, by La Sportiva, Wild Country and DMM.

Big thanks:

Pics:  Gustav and Warren.
Great hospitality:  Gustav,  Alex, Jan , Danny and Claire.

Loan of crutches: Roc ‘n Rope.
Supplies from the real world:  Tim.
Good memories:  Everyone I shared a rope and time with.

Visual Lessons

Sometimes you must climb sideways. Pic: Joe Möhle  

Gear can be fiddly to place. Pic: Jonathan Joseph

Aretes are awesome. Pic: Bruce Spottiswoode

You can find really cool things in the background.

Professional photographers can make anything look heroic. Pic: Forrest Woodward

Always look down!

New Vertical Ramblings

Guidebooks are useful: they show you where not to climb :)

Have you ever tried to go for a walk in the fynbos with a Botanist? Not with your mate Fred, who (on a good day), can distinguish blackjacks from palm trees. I mean the bona fide, scientific-name-sprouting floral enthusiast. Crawl would be a better word.

Almost at the end of the fight on Matador (25), TM. 

Pic: Jono Joseph

Every few steps their nose will disappear into the undergrowth, accompanied by pointing and shrieking. This is usually aimed at some particular planty thing that, to the rest of us, would seem to blend in with all the other planty things, like a pink boa at the Pride parade or a bicycle at the naked bike ride.

Douw Steyn doing the Bokkeveld Boogie (22).

Most of my walks in the fynbos are somewhat speedier, and serve the express purpose of getting myself and an exploding bag of gear to the base of a crag. However, like the keen botanist, I also have a disease than means you can’t see the forest for the trees. Specifically, you can’t see the cliff for all the potential routes. If you can’t see at all, then check your hat hasn’t slipped down over your eyes. The wilderness is no place for gangster fashion.

So while the approach walk may be swift, when the details of the rock feature come into view I can slow to a veritable toddle. Squinting, gesticulating and making wild suggestions about what looks like the next best line since Astroman is all par for the course. Fortunately, I don’t climb with any truly obsessive botanists, otherwise we would get very little done indeed.
So what is this article all about? First ascents, more or less.

Moonflakes project – IP.

Pic: Jono Joseph

New routing can actually be a fair bit of work, so why would one bother? So you can live out your childhood Star Trek Fantasy to boldly (sometimes) go where no man (woman or hermaphrodite) has gone before? The allure of the unknown? An outlet for creativity, exploration, discovery and challenge? Contributing to the sport?
Meh. Over-rated.

Here are my reasons:

1. Money.
I found 5 bucks on a path the other day. Just holding out for the big time – maybe a tenner stuck in a Protea bush. I can feel I am close. Just gotta keep my eyes peeled.
2. Chicks.
You won’t believe how many hysterical girls have shouted to me from the cable car on TM. Yeah, I regularly get the “O.M.G!” while I still got my shirt on.
Recently an Aussie lass was so amazed all she could yell was “Oi, check that bloke – KEEN!”. True story.

The Usual Suspects: Uwe et moi at Tafelberg (aka best crag in the Universe).

3. Drugs.
Since I started doing FA’s, I have definitely done more Arthroguard and Panado. My local dealer (Clicks in Green Point) sometimes gives me a good deal.
4. Fame.
My Mom’s friend in the U.K. knows about what I do. That’s not even the same continent. International baby!
5. Sandbagging.
Oh come on, who can resist?
6. Parties.
Often, after another totally awesome, 17- star new route, I’ll have a few beers with some mates, talk about climbing stuff and sometimes the waiter will ask for my autograph. Usually we party hard all night, sometimes even past midnight.

Maybe I am getting old. Well, actually that’s not a maybe.
Anyway, without sounding like a jaded old bag of gas, I think there is a natural progression in climbing that leads to wanting to find and do new routes. When you start out, it’s all novel and exciting. Local crags are full of new treats, shiny gear and hopefully girls to impress with your freshly acquired jargon. Don’t get me wrong, I can still have a great day out with mates at ye olde local crag, but the urge to go and explore uncharted territory normally wins.

Its like a big treasure hunt, and you don’t have to be a pirate to appreciate that.
Not that I have anything Arrrrgainst them. However pet parrots are only welcome at crags if they find booty, or keep the starlings at bay. Native parrots are of course an exception.

Note: If Polly tries to get it on with a local bird, he either he misunderstood the rule about finding booty or you have a very startled starling. Regardless, he probably deserves a cracker. Granted, this is about as likely as a having a rodeo where all riders wield a Bazooka. Welding them would be even more impressive. Anyway, see below:

Joe going horizontal on the FA of Bazooka Rodeo (25). 

Definitely not a sandbag. 

Trust me. Bring your big guns just in case...

However, its not all glory, loot and babes with big bazookas. I feel I must be honest. On the odd occasion when we don’t find a masterpiece for the front cover of Bumbling Magazine or SA Hill, a rare, minor blemish may occur on the record, something like this:

Jayson Orton having an Eye for Trouble (19) – at a crag very far away.

Le Botch.
(no where near France)
In an age gone by (sometime last year), a friend sent me a portrait (electronically sketched from far away) via carrier e-pigeon of a cliff he had spied. This was destined to be the “next big thing in the Western Cape”. We organised four days leave and an ox-wagon worth of gear.
We had enough to fit out an expedition to Baffin Island I dare say. I must confess that some of the aid gear I could not even name. The sun had long set when we pulled into the farmer’s property.
By dim headlamp and cheap wine we devised an elaborate strategy including phrases like: “base camp”, “fixing static”, “initial carry” and “grand central line”.
Or was the el cheapo vino on another trip? – all a bit hazzy.

At third (or maybe fourth) light, we started up the main kloof and I enquired to location of said mega cliff. “Its around the corner”. Some trudging later, a cliff does indeed come into view, high up at the top of a subsidiary kloof. “It doesn’t look as big as in the sketch does it?” I noted. ” Blah, blah don’t’ worry it will be awesome, check those cracks out!! blah blah. et Blah”. We soldiered on through dense bush, experiencing a frustrating optical event. The closer we struggled toward the cliff, the smaller it seemed to shrink. Like something out of Alice in Wonderland – just without the grinning cat and stoned caterpillar. Although there could be an argument made about there being two mad hatters.

Getting ready for action on the FA of Big Green Coconuts (23). 

Pic: Douw Steyn.

Sweaty, covered in bushy debris and a tad deflated, we arrive and study the clifflet.

Observation 1: Its size is about an order of magnitude less than expected.

Observation 2: Rock resembles an elderly prostitute*: loose, frail and unappealing.

Observation 3: Instigator of the mission has suffered a sense of humour failure.

Observation 4: In the next valley, in the distance, there looked like a wall that may have some potential….

Once you have the disease, every cliff becomes a canvas and plotting ground. Infected individuals can’t walk past a rock face without fully sussing it out, gesticulating wildly and often taking a photo**. There is no cure, thankfully!*

Lots of work before this one goes free. 

After 5 days effort I can report that I can do half the crux move. 

Pic: Jono Joseph

* – I am taking a flyer at this, no personal experience.
** – Beware: as per Le Botch photos can be misleading, but may provide unexpected adventures.
*** – As I have recently discovered, tearing the meniscus in your knee is a temporary cure.
But that’s another story…

Richard is sponsored by:
La Sportiva, DMM and Wild Country